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Subject:.
Time:01:22 am
if we are nothing and we're only the past
well i'm just living in a dream i guess
a long black dream that takes me down the river to you
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Subject:.
Time:02:07 pm
i hate girls.especially the ones who say their not gona do something and do it anyways.but i guess that just makes me a hypocrite, huh?i look at you with completely different eyes now.different isnt always bad.but i don really like different.atleast not in this situation.i have no respect left for you.
the ones who are gone were never that true anyways.but the ones who came back.the ones here now.thats what truly matters.yall were always the real ones.
soo many nights.too many nights.i wont just let go without putting up a fight.you kno that.why i ever tryed to pretend to myself andd you that i would i have no idea.more bullshit that i didnt mean jus to hurt your feelings.im still in love.ive learned from this.and thats all that really matters.
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Time:03:39 am
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Subject:im getting mii tattoo
Time:12:20 am
saturday.
hatchetman.
right ass cheek.well, you kno.above it.
i might change the place.
i might even change what im getting by then.
buttt im pretty sure.damn.im really sure.




n im down with the clown n im down fo life yoo.
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Subject:lotss of pictures.
Time:09:01 pm
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Subject:im home.
Time:06:24 pm
alone.
for once.
in a long time.

im really bored.
and kinda tired.

thursday night was good.
krissi and chris came over first.
smoked someee.
went over to lukys to get another one for them.
then we ended up just chillin over there.

after a while.
we went to mii house.
krissi and chris left.
cause.
they had to work on friday.
so we all hung out here for a while.
walked to the playground.
it was fogy as helll.reminded me of silent hill.
it was cool tho.
walked back here.
watched running scared.
2nd time i had seen it.
none of them had.
ITS A REALLY GOOD MOVIE.
watch it if you havent.
eh.

went to infinitys.
uhmm.
then to acouple more stores.
for luky to get more christmas presents.
so.
none of them believe in god.
and they celebrate christmas.?
haha.
whatever.


went bacckkk to lukys.
d.j haha.
tryed to give me 100$ bill for fucking christmas.
WTF man.?
i wanted to take it.
i really did.
haha.i mean of corse i did.
i kept givin it backkk.
he kept givin it back to meee.
so i threw it at him when i walked out the door to leave.
i would of felt too bad to spend it.
even if he found 350$ walking on the street in taragate.
mii own parents bitched me out for buying 100$ worth in cloths for mii christmas present.
really now.



i still really miss jeremy.
i still.really miss you.
i guess i gotta get over it tho.
its mii fault.


i guess im gonna go catch up on the 2 days of sleep i missed.
or maybe call krissi.?
if shes not working.
idk.




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Time:03:58 pm
so i went somewhere to figure shyt out.
to see some missing people.
it had been a while.
got some advice..
from someone who always knew what to do about.. everything.
i listened to them.
**whod still be there.?*

?maybe this wont work.
&&ill come home and itll be the same.
listened to mii phone.which i hadnt done for days.
on the way back&&it worked.
///maybe it was ment to be.
maybe they aRe different now.
maybe.
in mii driveway.?
theres nothing more i can do but try.
it wont go away otherwise.
obsessed?.concerned.?bullshyt.?
maybe just missing.what if just not forgetting?
so many.sooo many.sooooo many memories.in only 2 years.
its like i lived mii whole life already.i feel.like theres nothing more to do.
maybe.
this was just god testing me.
testing us.
idk.
but
maybe.
im just getting miiself into this bullshyt mess.
it wont go away otherwise.so why try&&make it.?
maybe.
all
those
nights.
payed
off.
maybe




maybe
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Subject:and its all just slipping away again..
Time:02:38 am
so i havent wrote in this.in.what.months?.
i think its about time.
i have some shyt to say but.
no one wants to listen to me.
or is it.i dont WANT anyone to listen to me.
so im doing it here.
cuz no one fucking reads this.





i feel.soo.out of place.
like.i guess..lonely?


at the moment.i have no idea what to think about mii current relationship.
one minute.were broke up.
next.were still together?.
makes no sence.
so basically.we still go out.but.idk if i want to.
i pretty much said fuck it.and im letting what happen.happen.im not gonna consider someone who cant make up his mind, mii boiifriend.
cause thats just stupid.
its weird not having someone there 24/7 tho.
and its WEIRD AS FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK sleeping all by miiself everynight.
weird.fucking.weird.i hate it.i DISPISE IT.ok.it hasnt been but like.3or 4 days since he last stayed here.but still.thats a long time.
i need a fucking monkey...i really do tho.BUY ME A MONKEY AND YOULL HAVE MII HEART FOREVER.
i mean that.
butt its as much as i can get to cuddle with right now.
and its good enough.i hate this whole being alone thing.UGH.

the past week i havent gone a day without getting in an arguement with SOMEONE.
8.fucking EIGHT.of mii friends got arrested in the past TWO fucking days.
had the cops show up at both luky anddd ....next doors house.scared the fuck out of all of us.
i just havent been happy recently.and maybe im stupid.
but.

idk.i hate this tho.


its october.im supposed to be fucking HAPPY.
ITS FUCKING O C T O B E R.FINALLY.
ITS GETTING COLD.FINALLY.
HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEN.FINALLY.
2 fucking goodass concerts.
mii brothers birthdays saturday.
were going camping.getttin fuckkedd up.mii pick of shrooms.2ci.orr xanax. i would definitly eat all 3.but those 3 together.oh god.
im gonna be with.brit.jon.kristen.crystal.
quality family time :D


krissis other half is gonna be gone for 2 whole weeks.hes in cali.
KRISSI.ALONE.FOR TWO WHOLE FUCKING WEEKS.whhhaaa?

this is DEFINITLY gonna be good for me and her.we havent been able to spend enough time together recently.
and ive lost everyone else.im DEFINITLY not losing mii baby boo.< 3i love her with all that i have.
shes the only one whos always seemed to be there for me.
tomorrow.were finding out if daddy has cancer or not....well..krissis dad.
were all really excited to find out.butt.also really scared.
but hes been shot 3 times.and survived.damnit hes not gonna die now.

friday the 13th this month too.
could be all the bad luck.
UHHHHHH.doubt it.

i died mii hair again..only a little bit.
re did the pink, well pink.anddd.onn the other side green.
you cant see the green much.manic panic suckkkss.
i did kikis ears too.one pink.one green.
just like her mommy.hah.she looks like a princess.
duh.cause she is.
hah


i might just start updating this more...

maybe not.



























oh and theres this boii...
ughh.nevermind..
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Time:01:53 am
im gonna start updating this shyt more for real.
its just not gonna be right now.
=)
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Time:08:20 pm
its all ive been thinkin about..
why the fuck cant i get that boii out of mii head.?.GR.
exspecually now.that im finally content with everything.
and then..this comes along..not to say im not happy.
cuz i am---
i just hate.no.DESPISE.wanting things..that i kno i can NEVER have.
and that only makes me.want it more.....








fuck.
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